last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
