shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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