dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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