WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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