just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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