Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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