yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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