I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
