who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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