i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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