Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
