I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
