you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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