I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
