i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
