you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
