dude i'm inner monologue high
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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