connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
