I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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