you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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