never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
