WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
