Who wears a wallet chain?!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
