Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
