note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
