Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
