Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
