Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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