On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
