First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
