We won't sleep together?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
