I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
