In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
