I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fuck appropriateness.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
