My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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