I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
