He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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