in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
