Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
