Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
