Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
