Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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