what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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