ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
