you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize