What did we do last night that was yellow?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
