I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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