Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
