Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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