Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
