You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
