as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
