is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
