Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So many bounce houses so little time
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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