I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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