I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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