You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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