Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
