someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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