I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
