I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize