I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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