I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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