I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
