i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize