found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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