just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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