i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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